Sharkey's Place: "Roads Not Taken"

Sharkey's Place
S1, E5
By Rick Regan
CHAPTER 1: SHARKEY’S PLACE - MID-MORNING
The doors are not open yet. Myra and Kirini are getting the
place ready for a lunch crowd. Myra is working in the
kitchen.
The weather is not cooperating, with low clouds, blustery
wind and occasional sheets of rain.
MYRA
Dammit! This is just not right.
Sounds of dishes clattering, banging spoons on pots, general
din from the kitchen.
MYRA
Fudge!
KIRINI
What’s going on in there?
MYRA
[exasperated]
Oh, it’s fine. It’s just that nothing is
working today. I don’t know if I’m all thumbs
or the weather has everything all wonky.
KIRINI
I see. Anything else?
MYRA
I haven’t seen or heard from Glenn in two
weeks. My mother is driving me crazy. And I
caught Ethan and that little witch getting
halfway naked in the front room.
KIRINI
I see. Anything else?
MYRA
I’m having a bad hair day.
KIRINI
Ah, yeah. I hate when that happens. This
weather...
MYRA
And this damned weather. I’m not looking
forward to winter. I want to get warm for a
change.
KIRINI
You want to take a week off? Go to Florida? I
know some people.
MYRA
You know people in Florida?
KIRINI
Well, old people, but they are still people.
My Aunt Linda could put you up for a week.
She’s in Fort Lauderdale.
MYRA
You’ve got an aunt in Florida? You never told
me that.
KIRINI
Never came up. And look, I’ll spring for the
tickets. There’s a direct flight out of Bar
Harbor.
MYRA
How do you know this stuff?
KIRINI
I went down to visit her a couple of years
ago. She’s got a place in a big building, view
of the beach.
MYRA
But it’s the same ocean. Same beach.
KIRINI
You’ve never been, have you? ‘Cause it’s
different. It’s Florida. But gimme a week to
put it together for you.
MYRA
If you can do that, I’ll go. Thank you.
KIRINI
Settled. Now, back to your cauldron.
MYRA
[cackles]
A-heh-heh! Eye of newt and locust wings! A
rooster’s chin and spooky things!
Myra goes back to the kitchen. Kirini moves chairs around,
sweeping up.
CHAPTER 2: SHARKEY'S PLACE - LUNCH RUSH - LATER
The crowd is coming and going. Sandra is slinging food and
drinks. Kirini is running the register. Myra has the grill
and the fryer running hot.
SANDRA
Two specials, table six. I’ll get the drinks.
KIRINI
Table six.
Sandra hands off the order to Kirini, who puts in on the
ticket wheel by the kitchen. Sandra takes a tray of drinks a
round.
MYRA
Order up!
Plates of sandwiches come through the pass through window.
KIRINI
Order up!
She swings the tray over to Sandra, who takes them away.
Aiden and Caiden come in out of the rain.
SANDRA
Hey fellas!
KIRINI
Aiden! Caiden! What took you so long?
AIDEN
Lousy weather.
CAIDEN
Spittin’ rain.
KIRINI
Got your table right here. Usual for you?
They sit.
AIDEN
Hot coffee.
CAIDEN
Harpoon Light. Thanks.
SANDRA
[has the drinks already]
Been waiting for you.
CAIDEN
Is it cold?
AIDEN
Is it hot?
SANDRA
It’s cold and it’s hot. You want the specials?
AIDEN
What’s today?
SANDRA
What’s today? Tuesday. You want the specials?
CAIDEN
What’s the special?
SANDRA
Just get it. If I tell you, you’re just going
to waste my time with a million questions.
CAIDEN
But what’s the special?
AIDEN
Is it good?
SANDRA
Is it good? Come on, you know Myra.
CAIDEN
Yeah, but what is it?
AIDEN
Maybe it conflicts with my dietary...
CAIDEN
Restrictions.
SANDRA
What restrictions you got? You eat fried clams
and scallops every night, with coleslaw. You
got a thing against dairy? Or is it gluten?
AIDEN
No, I got No,..
CAIDEN
Restrictions.
AIDEN
I just want to know.
CAIDEN
What’s the special?
SANDRA
Alright. Cold-cut sandwiches.
AIDEN
That’s it?
CAIDEN
That’s all?
AIDEN
Doesn’t seem too special.
CAIDEN
Some boloney sandwiches.
AIDEN
What special about that?
CAIDEN
Huh?
SANDRA
You’ll love ‘em. Best you ever had. I promise.
AIDEN
I don’t know.
CAIDEN
She got any chowder?
AIDEN
Something warm on day like today.
CAIDEN
Filling.
AIDEN
Warming.
CAIDEN
Ya’ know?
SANDRA
No, Chowder’s on Friday. Today it’s cold-cut
sandwiches. You want ‘em, or not.
AIDEN
Alright...
CAIDEN
Alright.
AIDEN
Go ahead with the sandwiches.
CAIDEN
Maybe we come back on Friday.
SANDRA
You’ll be back tomorrow, after you had these
sandwiches. I promise ya.
AIDEN
Alright.
CAIDEN
Go’head.
Sandra swings away and puts in the order to Myra.
SANDRA
Those two chowder heads always come in here
and complain about the menu.
KIRINI
But they love the food!
More orders come up and drinks get delivered.
Soon the next order comes up. Sandra picks up the tray and
delivers it to Aiden and Caiden.
AIDEN
That’s it?
CAIDEN
A sandwich and potato chips.
SANDRA
And a pickle.
AIDEN
I tell ya,
CAIDEN
The standards around here..
AIDEN
Bar’s getting lowah and lowah.
CAIDEN
[bites pickle]
Oh, Jesus!
AIDEN
What?
[tries pickle]
No!
CAIDEN
Is this what I think it is?
SANDRA
I don’t know. I’m not going to guess at what
happens with the soup in your head.
AIDEN
Is this house-made?
CAIDEN
She pickled, the pickles?
SANDRA
Yeah. And hand-fries the potato chips.
AIDEN
What’s with the sandwich?
CAIDEN
It looks weird.
AIDEN
Is it weird?
SANDRA
I don’t know. Hang on.
[loudly]
Hey, Myra! The boys are here.
Myra comes out of the kitchen. She is scowling and looking
rough.
MYRA
What is it with you two? You don’t like the
lunch? Then give it back!
AIDEN
No, no! You can’t have it back.
CAIDEN
We ordered!
MYRA
Then what’s the matter? I’m working here.
AIDEN
This sandwich?
CAIDEN
Why’s it look weird?
MYRA
What do you mean, weird?
AIDEN
[sniffs]
Is that...
CAIDEN
Sourdough?
MYRA
Yeah. From my grandmother’s starter. I keep it
in the fridge. You don’t like sourdough?
AIDEN
I love sourdough.
CAIDEN
You make this?
MYRA
Yeah. And slice it.
AIDEN
And the meat?
CAIDEN
Where’d you get it?
AIDEN
It doesn’t look right.
MYRA
Sam, the Butcher. He gets me brisket caps. I
corn the beef for two weeks. The pastrami
doesn’t take as long. Five days. You don’t
like it.
CAIDEN
Lemme see.
[takes a bite]
Oh, Jesus!
AIDEN
[takes a bite]
That’s good!
CAIDEN
Too good.
AIDEN
You’re too good for us, Myra.
MYRA
I skip the braising and just roast the whole
pieces. That’s why it looks different.
CAIDEN
And is that mustard?
AIDEN
Or garlic mayo?
MYRA
Both. It is a mayo that I make with fresh
ground mustard seeds, ginger AND garlic.
Gilding-the-lily, I know, but I like it. It’s
smoking the gouda that’s the real pain in the
keister. I don’t like to fill the kitchen with
smoke but if the cheese is too fresh, I don’t
know.
AIDEN
It won’t deliver the flavor.
CAIDEN
Or the texture.
AIDEN
You have to.
CAIDEN
It’s a commitment. If you’re in...
AIDEN
You’re in. You’re committed.
MYRA
I know, right. And today, this rain, the
humidity. The smoke just hangs there. It gets
in my hair. You know.
AIDEN
Your hair looks nice.
CAIDEN
Very nice.
AIDEN
And the sandwich is a thing of beauty.
CAIDEN
And the pickle. That’s you too?
MYRA
And the chips. But with this weather, fryer is
driving me nuts.
AIDEN
[loudly]
I know!
CAIDEN
Right!
AIDEN
The fryer...
CAIDEN
Killing me!
AIDEN
We’re doing scallops,
CAIDEN
Clams,
AIDEN
Calamari.
CAIDEN
And the fryer is going up-and-down,
AIDEN
And up-and-down.
CAIDEN
Like it’s just eating the rain.
AIDEN
I’m going crazy!
MYRA
I know! Ugh!
CAIDEN
Myra, Thank you.
AIDEN
For this beautiful dish.
CAIDEN
This delivery of love and care.
AIDEN
You’re a wonder.
CAIDEN
You’re the best.
AIDEN
You’re the beast!
MYRA
[laughs]
Oh, boys. You make my day. Thanks for coming
in.
CAIDEN
Hey! The pleasure’s all mine!
AIDEN
No, no! Mine. This is fabulous.
MYRA
I gotta get back. Good luck at the Inky Squid
tonight.
CAIDEN
Nothing stinky at the Inky!
AIDEN
Food so fresh from the sea, if you throw it
back, it’ll swim away.
MYRA
[laughs]
See ya’ boys.
Myra heads back to the kitchen.
Aiden and Caiden attack lunch plate, devouring it.
SANDRA
[to kitchen]
Two specials, table three.
KIRINI
Table three!
CHAPTER 3: SHARKEY'S PLACE - LATE EVENING
Sandra has gone home for the night.
Kirini is running the bar but there is nobody there because
the rain is coming in cold sheets.
Myra is sitting at the bar with a vodka and soda, a lowcalorie drink.
KIRINI
Myra, you should go home. Get some sleep.
MYRA
You know what, I’m afraid of what I will find.
KIRINI
What do you mean?
MYRA
I bet I’m going to walk in on Ethan and that
girl.
KIRINI
Well, that’s normal, right?
MYRA
I mean, he’s too young.
KIRINI
Is he?
MYRA
Sure. And under my roof...
KIRINI
You telling me that you never fooled around,
with a boy, when you were in school?
MYRA
Sure, but those were different times.
KIRINI
What’s different? Boy-meets-girl, girl-meetsboy. What’s changed?
MYRA
It’s my boy, is what’s changed.
KIRINI
Oh.
MYRA
I don’t want that little Godspeed witch taking
him down the wrong path.
KIRINI
The wrong path? What path is that, between her
legs?
MYRA
She’s paving the way.
KIRINI
What?!
MYRA
She wants to get him so wrapped around her
little finger, her little crooked witch
finger, that he will do whatever she wants.
Snaps her fingers.
KIRINI
Ethan is a smart kid. She’s a nice girl.
MYRA
The only think he’s thinking about is her. He
won’t listen to me any more.
KIRINI
Come on! Don’t you remember, remember what
it’s like? When you fall in love with a boy,
and try out what it’s like to be a girl-inlove.
MYRA
Do I remember, the joy and the pain, the
suffering and anguish? Will he call? Will he
pick me up?
KIRINI
Does he really like me?
MYRA
Are we going to get married? Is he thinking
about a ring?
KIRINI
What if we have a girl and a boy? What names
should we give them?
MYRA
Can I use my grandma’s wedding dress?
KIRINI
What’s the perfect spot for our heavenly
wedding?
MYRA
All the other girls will be so jealous.
KIRINI
Oh, times we had. But I wouldn’t do it again
for a million.
MYRA
If I could go back, if I could do it again...
KIRINI
What? What would you do?
MYRA
I’d have never married Glenn, for one.
KIRINI
Well, he is the father of Ethan, so that’s not
so bad. Ethan is smart. A handsome fellow.
MYRA
There was a boy in my school. I had a crush on
him that I thought would kill me. If I could
go back, I’d go right at him.
KIRINI
Would you now?
MYRA
I think of him when I look at my Glenn. He is
taller than Glenn. Better looking. Very
successful. My life would’ve been better.
Ethan would be taller, smarter, better
looking. Maybe we’d have had a girl too, and
he’d dote on her like a princess. She’d
deserve it. I deserved it.
KIRINI
But what happened? What happened to Captain
Wonderful?
MYRA
I was too scared to say boo.
KIRINI
Ah huh.
MYRA
And then Charlene... ah, I can’t believe I’m
telling you this, rehashing the hash of my
past.
KIRINI
Come on! You came this far. Tell me the story.
MYRA
I saw it with my own two eyes. A spring day,
seniors at Narraguagus High. I see him across
the quad. And I will not speak his name.
KIRINI
Fair enough.
MYRA
And I’m on fire with the longing, the
squeezing crush on my heart. And he’s sitting
there in the sunshine, a beautiful boy.
KIRINI
OK. Got it. Then what?
MYRA
Charlene, the head cheerleader, she’s in her
outfit because it’s a Friday and it’s game
night. She’s just come from the pep-rally at
lunch, her and her sister Arlene. And
Charlene, even though she’s sweaty from the
rally, walks right up to him, stands right
there. She’s glowing in the sunshine, her hair
tossed by the sea breeze.
KIRINI
Oh boy...
MYRA
And she takes his two hands. She holds them
for a second and then puts his hands on her
hips. Then puts her hands on his face and
leans in for a kiss.
KIRINI
What did you do?
MYRA
I’m close enough that I can hear them. And she
says, come to the game tonight and watch me,
in that stupid, little-girl voice. She still
talks that way. And he says, OK.
KIRINI
Hmmm.
MYRA
And she had him, hook, line and sinker. I
never had a chance. She reeled him in like a
prize tuna. If I could have done that... If I
could go back... and do that..., I’d do it.
KIRINI
So what happened? You married Glenn and
Captain Wonderful married the cheerleader?
MYRA
No, That’s not what happened.
KIRINI
Well, then...
MYRA
So we graduate as a class. Almost everybody
heads up to Bangor to U-M.
KIRINI
Was Glenn there?
MYRA
No, He was down in Portland.
KIRINI
Oh.
MYRA
And I wash out of U-M my first year. I realize
I’m wasting my time and my folks money
studying psychology and poetry. So I switch to
culinary program at Eastern, in Bangor. But
the teachers are telling me there is a better
program at Southern Maine Community in
Portland. That’s where I meet Glenn.
KIRINI
And that’s where you learned to cook.
MYRA
No, I learned to cook from my mother. I
learned to plate up dishes and run a menu at
Southern. I learned to work in hospitality at
the Hyatt Harborside. While I was in school, I
worked in the restaurant, eventually going
from waiting tables to station prep and
finally sous chef.
KIRINI
And what are you doing here? I never
understood that. You working for Giorgio, in
Milbridge, Maine. At a dive bar.
MYRA
Not a dive anymore.
KIRINI
Thanks to you.
MYRA
No, thanks to you. These louses would love to
keep it as a snug in the harbor, a place to
hide out and soak their heads. But you, you
have turned it into a destination.
KIRINI
Thank you.
MYRA
But it’s going to run off the rum-heads, as
you make it nicer.
KIRINI
We’re getting a better class of boozer now.
MYRA
Ha! That’s true.
KIRINI
So let me guess, you get pregnant so you want
to move back home to family.
MYRA
Right.
KIRINI
And you marry Glenn, but realize after the
shock and awe of a baby that he’s Mr. Nowhere.
MYRA
You’ve met my ex.
KIRINI
Let’s call him your first husband.
MYRA
You optimist.
KIRINI
But what about the cheerleader? And the guy?
MYRA
She and her sister Arlene, they both became
nurses. Together they run almost the whole
show at the hospital in Machias.
KIRINI
And Captain Wonderful?
MYRA
Ah, I don’t want to think about it...
KIRINI
Come on! Tell me.
MYRA
He became a lawyer. He’s in the statehouse.
He’s going to run for congress next time.
KIRINI
Wait! Charlie Goodman? That’s your crush? I
don’t believe it.
MYRA
I will not speak his name.
KIRINI
He’s a handsome guy, don’t get me wrong, but
he’s not exactly your type.
MYRA
My type? I have a type, do I? What’s that?
Losers and barflies?
KIRINI
No, No, That’s not what I mean.
MYRA
What do you mean?
KIRINI
I mean Charlie Goodman is a regressive jerk.
He is in the pocket of the big money corporate
people.
MYRA
And have you seen his wife?
KIRINI
No,
MYRA
Big hair and a smile that’s like a lighthouse
beam when she turns it on you. Those gleaming
white teeth, it’s not natural.
KIRINI
Kids?
MYRA
Three boys. They’re in middle-school but they
look like linebackers. I saw the picture on
his website. All blue blazers and bow ties.
And her, skinny as a flagpole.
KIRINI
You were cyber-stalking?
MYRA
Look I’m just not feeling good about myself
right now, is all.
KIRINI
But what did you want to do? Did you want to
be the chef at the Hyatt?
MYRA
Someplace, yeah.
KIRINI
And now you’re stuck here.
MYRA
Look, Georgios gave me a job when I needed a
break. It’s been a good gig for me.
KIRINI
But..
MYRA
But I’m trying out new recipes, new
ingredients, and you know what? It’s pearls
before the swine. These sailors and rummies
wouldn’t know good food if I hit them over the
head.
KIRINI
That’s not true. The boys come in a couple of
times a week and marvel. They see what you are
doing.
MYRA
Great. Recognition by my peers: twins who fry
clams.
KIRINI
We’ve got a lot of new customers now. You
notice that. People talk about your food. The
guy on the radio, he talks you up all the
time.
MYRA
[dismissive]
Because you buy ads at the station.
KIRINI
So I buy ads. I want more customers. Don’t
you?
MYRA
I gotta think about my future. I have to think
of my life when Ethan is gone. Glenn is down
in Portland. Maybe I move down there and see
if we can work things out. I don’t know what I
want to do.
KIRINI
Listen, take a week, go to Florida and relax.
Hang out with my aunt Linda. She’s a riot.
MYRA
You have it worked out?
KIRINI
Not yet, but I put the word out. Anyway, we’ll
get it worked out. You deserve some time off.
MYRA
You think?
KIRINI
You are corning your own beef, and for these
chowderheads! It’s ridiculous. I love it, but
it’s ridiculous. Take some time.
MYRA
Maybe I could use some perspective.
KIRINI
Aunt Linda will take you to all kinds of
places.
MYRA
Like what, restaurants?
KIRINI
Restaurants, cocktail bars, tiki bars,
whatever. She’ll take you to a strip club if
you’ve never been. You should go.
MYRA
What? Why would I want to go to a strip club?
KIRINI
Usually the food’s pretty good.
MYRA
Go to a strip club for the food?
KIRINI
You’d be surprised. And it’s a lot like in
here.
MYRA
What do you mean?
KIRINI
The men, they want to look at beautiful women.
MYRA
Naked.
KIRINI
If possible. They don’t care if the women are
smart or interesting. They just pay the women
to look at them. No romance. No relationship.
No baggage.
MYRA
And the women?
KIRINI
They take the money, just like us. And when
they get home at night, the money is still
green. And at a good place, no hassle from the
manager, no time card, stupid reports or
email. Just the money and no baggage. Like
here. The sailors come in here for your food.
They don’t care if you are a nice person, they
just want the food. Then the night crowd, they
want to ogle Sandra, in her tight sweater and
elastic pants. They don’t care if she doesn’t
love them. Let their moms do that. And
remember, I don’t hassle you. Right? No
baggage.
MYRA
And at a big hotel it’s all staffing issues,
sanitation inspections and all the rigmarole.
I get it, but have to start to think bigger,
for myself.
KIRINI
I’m just saying take some time and see some of
the world. Without Glenn. Without Ethan. Just
for you. Get some new ideas.
MYRA
Sounds like a dream.
KIRINI
That’s because you are already asleep. Go
home.
MYRA
You’re right. Thanks Kiri. I’ll see you
tomorrow.
KIRINI
Get some sleep and we’ll do it all again
tomorrow.
MYRA
Goodnight.
Myra heads out the door.
Kirini cleans up, switches off the beer sign and goes out the
door.
END