Sharkey's Place: "Pickles at the Squid!"

INT. SHARKEY’S PLACE - MORNING
Sandra is there by herself, selling coffee as people, entirely men, come and go. Instead of any fashionable clothes, she has sensible jeans, t-shirt and a flannel shirt. Very Maine, with her hair in a clip.
Aiden and Caiden come by.
AIDEN
Sandra, howaya?
SANDRA
Aiden. Coffee?
AIDEN
Black, two sugars.
SANDRA
Two dollars. Caiden?
CAIDEN
I like my coffee like I like my women.
SANDRA
Hot and black?
CAIDEN
Opaque, bitter and with a whiff of the roaster.
SANDRA
So...
CAIDEN
Just black, thanks.
SANDRA
Two bucks.
AIDEN
Aw, this is good. Is this the same as Myra made?
SANDRA
Last of her batch. Then it’s back to Folgers.
CAIDEN
I can get that at the Honker.
SANDRA
You can get a lot of things at the Honker.
CAIDEN
But now that you’re split with Vlad the Impaler, maybe I could get your number. We could enjoy some Mainer hospitality.
SANDRA
Where, at the Squid?
CAIDEN
I’ve been making some changes.
AIDEN
We’re classing it up.
CAIDEN
First up is a new vision of the seasonal salad bar.
SANDRA
I’m sure that will be a hit with the deckhands and boatmen of the area.
CAIDEN
Well... appealing to the local taste is a topic we’ve discussed amply.
AIDEN
And we think we have an angle that has some...
CAIDEN
Traction.
AIDEN
Pickling.
SANDRA
Pickling?
CAIDEN
The robust appetites and strong flavor preferences...
AIDEN
Hereabout,
CAIDEN
Are complimented and satisfied, with robust flavors.
AIDEN
Strong tastes.
CAIDEN
Challenging textures.
AIDEN
Like Grape-Nuts. Strong flavor.
CAIDEN
Challenging texture.
AIDEN
It’s needed.
SANDRA
Right. So....
CAIDEN
So we are coordinating with our provisioner...
AIDEN
Sam.
SANDRA
The Butcher?
AIDEN
The Butchah!
CAIDEN
To bring in seasonal prah-duce, such as beets, turnips and rutabagahrs, for spicing and pickling. Typically in vinegar and salt.
AIDEN
But also, rum-carrots. Tequila turnips.
SANDRA
Eww!
CAIDEN
We are seeking to go beyond the common Maine café-style of bland and overcooked veg.
AIDEN
And overlooked veg.
CAIDEN
To offer bright, strong flavors.
AIDEN
With challenging, even difficult, textures.
CAIDEN
Like Grape-Nuts.
SANDRA
What’s this with the Grape-Nuts? What did they do to you?
AIDEN
Our research shows that the most popular pie recipes in Maine have Grape-Nut toppings or crust.
CAIDEN
This is our benchmahrk.
SANDRA
I’ve had blueberry pie with Grape-Nut crust, now you mention it, at Sunrise.
AIDEN
Bar Harbor. Arguably, the best in the Northern Kingdom.
CAIDEN
With reservations.
AIDEN
Decidedly.
CAIDEN
The blueberries are often canned, when out of season.
AIDEN
So there you go. Syrup.
SANDRA
So the Inky Squid is expanding the menu. First time since, I don’t know when.
CAIDEN
Since we added shrimp.
SANDRA
That’s right! What was that five, six years ago?
AIDEN
Eight. Caiden brought it up with Turbo when we signed on.
CAIDEN
Classic item. Now our top seller.
SANDRA
But the shrimp is frozen, right?
AIDEN
To be consistent, year-round, we have to compromise and use frozen shrimp. Very reliable product.
SANDRA
But you guys serve those great big ones. That’s not local, Maine-coastal shrimp. Those are little, when you can get ‘em.
CAIDEN
Argentina. Giant Pinks.
AIDEN
Very reliable product. Top seller.
SANDRA
And now you’re going to add pickled beets.
AIDEN
Right.
CAIDEN
Take things in a new direction.
SANDRA
I hear what you are saying but, I don’t know, are you going to make more money, more profit, selling turnips? Why not just keep selling South American shrimp.
AIDEN
We have to explore our artistic expressions.
CAIDEN
It’s not about us, not really. We’re thinking about how we can affect future generations, to be an inspiration for young people.
AIDEN
All over the globe.
SANDRA
I see. Well, good luck to ya, boys! I’ve got to make some more coffee.
Sandra moves back to get some more coffee brewing.
CAIDEN
I don’t know if she’s right, or just not convinced.
AIDEN
Women are funny. You can never tell what they are thinking.
CAIDEN
And if you ask...
AIDEN
Oh-Ho! If you ask!
CAIDEN
If you ask, then a million questions!
AIDEN
“You weren’t listening, were you!”
CAIDEN
“Why can’t you read my mind?!”
AIDEN
Ah-ha-ha!
CAIDEN
Ha-ha!
AIDEN
(chuckling)
Listen, I think we’re charting a new path, blazing a new culinary trail, here on the coast of Maine.
CAIDEN
It won’t take long for the big food-industrial-complex to take note of what we are doing in Milbridge.
AIDEN
The foodies will mark it with a star on the map.
CAIDEN
Milbridge: off the path, but cutting edge.
AIDEN
The nattering-nabobs.
CAIDEN
It’s not really a crusade, but...
AIDEN
It feels like one.
Sandra returns to the table.
SANDRA
Need a re-fill before you go?
AIDEN
Sure.
CAIDEN
Where’s Kirini? She’s usually on the coffee shift.
SANDRA
She texted. She said she was feeling blue.
AIDEN
What’s that mean?
SANDRA
(sharply)
It means she’s not coming in, that’s what it means!
CAIDEN
So you running the show yourself?
SANDRA
Covering the bases, you know.
AIDEN
So no more lunch?
CAIDEN
No more Myra?
SANDRA
Look around. You see Myra? Me neither.
AIDEN
Is it true she’s back with Glenn?
SANDRA
Who knows? Nobody tells me anything.
CAIDEN
Is it true that she’s in charge at the Hyatt Harbortown?
SANDRA
I don’t know! Quit asking me.
AIDEN
Alright, alright. Easy.
CAIDEN
Sandra, if I may say, you look particularly lovely in this pale morning light.
SANDRA
You saying I look pale? Beat it! The both of ya!
She shoos them up and towards the door.
CAIDEN
No! No. You appear vibrant and colorful, compared to the wan light of the weak sunrise.
SANDRA
Ok. Sure. Thank you, Caiden. And good luck with your pickles.
AIDEN
Good morning, Sandra.
CAIDEN
Good morning.
SANDRA
Good day to you both. See ya.
They get to the door
SANDRA
And, hey! Thanks for stopping by. I know the beets and turnips are going to be a hit.
CAIDEN
Thank you, Sandy.
Aiden and Caiden exit.
Sandra wipes down the tables, serves more coffee and collects more money at the cash register.
INT. SHARKEY’S PLACE - EVENING
The place is half-full, with Sandra and Elsa working the room. Boots is in her place with a Maine Hurricane.
SANDRA
Els, beers, table six.
ELSA
On it.
SANDRA
(to Boots)
She’s good. I gotta say. Hahd worker.
BOOTS
Is she like an assistant?
SANDRA
Assistant? No, she works here.
BOOTS
Or an apprentice?
SANDRA
What d’ya mean?
BOOTS
It’s clear she looks up to you. You are a notable personage in town. She is, no doubt, in your thrall.
SANDRA
My thrall? Sure. I just want her to learn the ropes, not get her head turned by the local watermen. She’s too good for these dopes.
BOOTS
And you? Are you too good too?
SANDRA
Hahd to say. Cause, you never know.
BOOTS
Ha! That’s what I love about you. Always an optimist. Another ray of sunshine coming, just wait ‘til morning!
SANDRA
Is that what you like about me? Here I figured it was just my special way with the cocktail shaker.
BOOTS
Well, nothing over-taxing in a Maine Hurricane. Kiri whipped that up in a jiffy. She’s a real pro.
SANDRA
Yeah? But I make it for you too. Just as good, right?
BOOTS
And I am grateful! But Kirini has these wild sparks of imagination! And I am grateful!
SANDRA
But mine’s just as good. Same everything.
BOOTS
Yes, dear, yours is just as good. But Kiri has that magic touch. You know what I’m saying.
SANDRA
Yeah. I get it. Sure. Kirini’s got magic and I got tits.
BOOTS
Indeed you do! Indeed you do. An impressive bosom that I am sure has served you well. Paved the way, as it were, for the attention and adulation of the local fisher-folk.
SANDRA
Yep. That’s me. All adulation. And now the young stuff is grabbing my spotlight.
BOOTS
Oh, it’s not her grabbing the light. It is her irresistible power, whether she knows it or not, of youth and beauty. With youth, we are wanted. With beauty, we are desired! And with age, we have the wit to see the petty abuses when the attention, inevitably, turns away, and follows the new hatchling, with her bright feathers and clear breast. And we, old hens, cluck and scratch, like so many chickens in the yard. We wait our turn, for the broiling pan, not the marriage bed.
SANDRA
Jesus, Boots! Slow down. You’re spiraling. You’re bumming me out.
Elsa joins in.
ELSA
The boys at table six are such jerks. They keep staring at me.
BOOTS
They are not staring at you, dearest. They are staring at what they want you to be.
ELSA
What’s that?
SANDRA
You don’t want to know. And, Boots, I don’t want you to tell her.
BOOTS
What? It is all illusion. You know that. It’s your stock and trade. The illusion of affection.
SANDRA
It is effective for tips, I will say.
BOOTS
The boys, the men, they want you to be their mother, telling them they are good boys.
ELSA
Their mother?
BOOTS
They want you to be their lover, telling him that you are overwhelmed with his masculine power.
SANDRA
If that’s what you call it...
ELSA
What?
SANDRA
They want you to be their companion, the muse, the goddess, the whore, the nun, the girl next door. All of it.
ELSA
But what do I do?
BOOTS
Sandra, this is your department.
SANDRA
Hmmm...
ELSA
What do I do?
SANDRA
Honey, she’s right. The men, they want you to be all of those things.
ELSA
But I can’t!
SANDRA
Nobody can. Nobody ever could be.
ELSA
So what do I do? What do I say?
SANDRA
Ok, here are my rules. They want to look at my ass, let ‘em look. They want me to smile at them, so I look them right in the eyes, and smile. But no touching. This is not Hooters or the Olive Garden. Say their names. Listen and remember the names. Another beer for you, Julio? How about a cold one, Henry? It matters that I recognize them. They come back when we acknowledge and recognize them. We want them to come back.
BOOTS
Mostly to check out your derrière.
SANDRA
If that’s what brings ‘em back, then give it to ‘em. They come off the water, which is a world of danger, and come here for cold beer and some companionship. That’s what we have to deliver.
BOOTS
Cold beer.
ELSA
And companionship.
SANDRA
Got it?
ELSA
On it.
Elsa grabs a tray full of beer mugs and swivels through the room.
BOOTS
That was a good speech.
SANDRA
Heh! What do you think, am I management-material?
BOOTS
You’re ready for a position in leadership.
SANDRA
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that.
BOOTS
Oh, how?
SANDRA
Kiri’s been in bed for a few days. She just doesn’t want to get up.
BOOTS
Is she sick?
SANDRA
I don’t think so, not like any disease. Just, you know, blue.
BOOTS
I’ll swing by tomorrow and see her. I didn’t know.
SANDRA
And I’ve been woman-ing the shop but it’s got me thinking.
BOOTS
About woman-ing?
SANDRA
Heh! I think I’ve got that part. No, thinking about running the place, being the manager.
BOOTS
You eyeing a promotion?
SANDRA
That’s just it. I’m thinking, I don’t want hours like this. Pouring coffee at day-break. Pouring beer until after midnight. Cleaning up. Cashing out. It’s too much. I don’t think I want to do that.
BOOTS
Why is it an issue? Surely, Kiri will be back on her wheels in a couple of days.
SANDRA
Right, and I can handle it until she gets back but I’m thinking long-term. Or I was.
BOOTS
What do you mean?
SANDRA
Myra and Kirini had some plan cooked-up to open a place in Bangor.
BOOTS
Eh, I get it. Bigger market. More ambition.
SANDRA
But Kirini got freaked out by the big tuna-lunch event. She made a bucket of money, which she split with us, but she changed after that. She said she didn’t want that kind of place.
BOOTS
What kind of place? Successful? Profitable?
SANDRA
She said she wanted a reasonable business, not one where every day was super-busy.
BOOTS
And you? Where do you fit in?
SANDRA
That’s just it. Here I was, thinking that I’d bump up to manager. I’ve never been the manager. I’d be the boss, see. And the boss is in charge. I was ready for that.
BOOTS
To be the boss? That’s the grand illusion. It just means you are responsible for everything else, everything that the staff doesn’t handle for you.
SANDRA
Right. And now I’m thinking, I don’t want that. It’s like a prison, made-out-of responsibility. And I’m not a responsible person! I’m not.
BOOTS
Of course you are. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. If you wanted, you could turn off the light, close the door, and go home. Or go back to New York. You don’t have to be here. But you are. Because you care.
SANDRA
Because I care, huh?
BOOTS
About Sharkey’s. About Sharkey. About Georgios. About Kirini. And even about Elsa. You didn’t have to tell her those things.
SANDRA
She has to hear it though.
BOOTS
She is like the seeker at the mountain-top. The wise-woman explains the truth, the world and the meaning of life! She was soaking it in, because she admires you, wants to be like you. You didn’t have to do that.
SANDRA
She should do better than me.
BOOTS
What’s better than you? You are beautiful. You’re independent. You are what she wants-to-be. What would be better for her?
SANDRA
She should find a nice boy and get married.
BOOTS
Oh, you old biddy! Listen to you. Have we made no progress, us women, in the last century? A woman doesn’t have to be married to be successful, to be worthy. Hell, I’m not married. And neither are you. Or Kirini. What are you talking about, saying that girl should get married?
SANDRA
But are you happy, Boots? Alone?
BOOTS
I’m alone when I choose to be. Not-alone when I don’t want to be. You know the feeling.
SANDRA
I’m getting to the age, I guess, where I wonder where it’s all going for me.
BOOTS
I don’t know about that, Sandra. But I do know that I have to go home.
SANDRA
Need a ride?
BOOTS
Easy walk. Nice night.
SANDRA
You’re sure?
BOOTS
What I’m sure about is that it doesn’t matter where “it’s all going”. My editor, bless her, said, Boots, just, you-be-you, and it will all work out. So that’s what I do.
SANDRA
And it all worked out?
BOOTS
Mostly, with a few bumps in the road. But hey, that’s what makes it interesting.
SANDRA
Boots, you are certainly interesting. I’m glad you came by tonight.
BOOTS
Stay strong, sister!
SANDRA
Right on, Pocahontas!
Boots exits.
Elsa comes back to the bar.
ELSA
I think I’m getting the hang of it.
SANDRA
Trays of full glasses?
ELSA
That, and the grand illusion. Be what they want, and if they want to look at my butt, let ‘em.
SANDRA
As good a rule as I can find.
ELSA
Thanks, Miss Sandra. You are a good manager.
SANDRA
Now you are flattening me. Get the check at four.
ELSA
Yes, ma’am.
SANDRA
And knock that off too.
Sandra moves through the room, talking to customers.
Neil comes in, covered in paint and solvent.
SANDRA
Neil, what can I get you?
NEIL
You? What can you get me? What can I get you?
SANDRA
A Porsh-a convertible and a Vera Wang.
NEIL
Ha! What, no hat, to go with the gown?
SANDRA
Well, I’d bring a Maine Nordiques cap to the party. Beer for ya?
NEIL
Cognac. Thanks.
SANDRA
Coming up.
Elsa swings by.
ELSA
Can I get you something, mister?
NEIL
I declare. I declare. There is a volcano somewhere, erupting.
ELSA
Sir?
NEIL
Sandra’s got me a hot toddy, on wheels.
ELSA
Oooo, kay.
NEIL
And you, miss. Your name?
ELSA
Elsa.
NEIL
Not Elsa God-speed?
ELSA
Sir.
NEIL
Mmmm. And your sister?
ELSA
Bella? Yeah, her and me.
NEIL
And you are... twenty one?
SANDRA
Nineteen.
NEIL
Awww! Blast! Sandra, Sandra! Why do you do this to me?
SANDRA
Neil, here. Have a stiff one. Elsa here is my re-enforcements. She’s the sharp-point of the spear.
NEIL
OK, Vader.
SANDRA
While Kirini is out, we’re wo-manning the garrison.
NEIL
How long can you hold out?
SANDRA
That’s what I’m wondering myself.
NEIL
So is this a rear-guard action?
SANDRA
Perhaps. Speaking of rears, what do you think of the youngster?
NEIL
Pouty.
SANDRA
Pouty?
NEIL
I see the bottoms, old and young, flabby and firm, exquisite and droopy, like yours.
SANDRA
Which am I?
NEIL
Yours? Worth the effort. Worth the time. It sells.
SANDRA
Thank you. And hers?
NEIL
Too young. I wouldn’t touch it, metaphorically.
SANDRA
OK but literally?
NEIL
Specifically. I don’t want the customers who would pay for a painting of a girl that young. It tangles me into a world of Learjets and private parties that I don’t want to go to. Lots of money but trade your soul. Ah, you wouldn’t know what I mean.
SANDRA
I would. I just spent some time with a New York moneyman. Everybody is like a throwaway plastic cup.
NEIL
I know them. Rough crowd. You got out?
SANDRA
Walked away. Flew away. I took his helicopter.
NEIL
No! Like those ones that flew up here for the tuna sandwich?!
SANDRA
It’s a taxi service for them. I called them up and put it on Alexi’s account.
NEIL
Ha-ha-ha! I love it. But those are the guys, bastards, that want me to paint their models.
SANDRA
I know.
NEIL
Too young. Eighteen. Sixteen. Fourteen. No, no, no, no, no! Not going to do it.
SANDRA
It makes you think, you know.
NEIL
About?
SANDRA
It’s like they think women are just commodities, or animals, to be traded around.
NEIL
More than that.
SANDRA
More?
NEIL
Branding. Marked for the harem. Swapped or sold like cattle. Beautiful, hopeful, young women. Sucked into the cruel world of power and money, with less regard than the steamed shrimp on the buffet.
SANDRA
I saw that. The shrimp, the oysters, caviar and the women. Consumed and cast off. Disgusting.
NEIL
Sandra, I’m glad you pulled yourself away. I’m glad you came back. I don’t know what to do with your paintings because I know it is those kinds of men who want them, want you, as trophies, on yachts and penthouse walls. Is that fair, to you?
SANDRA
Do what you have to do. Sell them canvases. I’m still here.
NEIL
I am afraid.
SANDRA
You?
NEIL
I am afraid that my marks with paint, on linen canvas, encourage, creates, causes...
SANDRA
What?
NEIL
It makes these men, who have no limits, no boundaries, determined to have the image in the flesh. They will want to come for you. To have you.
SANDRA
Bring it.
NEIL
I think, ah, it, I have to destroy them. Burn the paintings. Or else you will live your life, hunted down by the mad-cravings of mad-men with uncountable riches.
SANDRA
Don’t.
NEIL
No?
SANDRA
No. Save some, for me.
NEIL
For you.
SANDRA
No. Not for me. For Gordon. Burn the rest but save two for Gordon. He wants a front and a back.
NEIL
But Sandra, how can I?
SANDRA
Come on, Neil. Is it that hard? Spare me the hero speech. Gordon is a regular and I want to look out for him. If you’ve got some that you can put to the side, it would be a favor for me.
NEIL
What about this Turbo? He’s local and seems to be very interested.
SANDRA
Oh, yeah. Burn his paintings! Fuck him!
NEIL
Ouch!
SANDRA
That guy is nothing but a greasy dumpster fire.
NEIL
Whooo!
SANDRA
He’s been horned up on me for the whole two-thousands. I’d like to smack his pimple-face spit-wad face back to Roxbury.
NEIL
OK.
SANDRA
That jerk could collapse in the road and I wouldn’t lift a finger.
NEIL
Got it. No Sandra’s for Turbo.
SANDRA
Burn ‘em. Burn ‘em all. But save two for Gordo.
NEIL
You have a tender heart. I honor your wishes.
Elsa approaches.
ELSA
So, what’s your name?
SANDRA
Easy there, young buck.
ELSA
Miss?
NEIL
My name is Neil. I’m a painter. I do portraits.
ELSA
Really? Would you do mine?
NEIL
Maybe next year.
SANDRA
Are you leaving?
NEIL
I’ve got to get back.
SANDRA
Taking some with you?
NEIL
A few for my patron. Two for Gordon.
SANDRA
When will you come back?
NEIL
Do you want me to come back?
SANDRA
I want to know if you want to come back. Yes, I want you to come back. Kirini wants you to come back. Gordon wants you to come back. But do you? What would bring you back here?
NEIL
You.
SANDRA
Me?
NEIL
You.
SANDRA
Why?
NEIL
This will sound ridiculous.
SANDRA
So, go ahead.
NEIL
Sugar J. told me to seek truth and beauty.
SANDRA
Mmm-hmm.
NEIL
And here, in Milbridge, I have seen, found, discovered, beauty. And truth has revealed itself.
ELSA
Is this artist talk?
NEIL
No, human talk. Art is the presentation of truth. This is the living of truth.
ELSA
I don’t understand.
SANDRA
That’s OK. Go on.
NEIL
You are the most beautiful woman I have ever painted.
SANDRA
Am I?
NEIL
Not the most symmetrical. Not the most ethereal. Not the most voluptuous.
SANDRA
Not?
NEIL
Well... close.
SANDRA
Uh-huh.
NEIL
But the most honest. The most real. The one who masters her beauty and steers it to your destination. I just don’t know where is your destination.
SANDRA
Me neither.
NEIL
And so, that is what I represent. And the men find you irresistible, mostly because you don’t know where to steer your beauty. And they sense it, and want to steer it for you. Make you their ship of vanity, the trophy goddess.
SANDRA
Just my luck.
NEIL
Ha!
SANDRA
For an independent woman in the world, we are surrounded by wanna-be jockeys and bronc-busters.
NEIL
It is ever so.
SANDRA
Jesus wept.
NEIL
Beer here?
SANDRA
Cognac go down smooth? Easy enough.
ELSA
I don’t understand what you are talking about.
SANDRA
We’ll talk about it in the morning. I’ve got to teach you how to roast the coffee beans. Can you make flapjacks?
ELSA
I can flip them.
SANDRA
Yeah, no. I’ll call Aiden.
ELSA
Please don’t.
SANDRA
Why not?
ELSA
Just don’t.
SANDRA
Ah. Ok. Yeah. Caiden?
ELSA
Sure.
SANDRA
OK.
NEIL
I gotta go.
SANDRA
Good night, Neil. Thanks for coming by. And, you know...
NEIL
I’ll save a pair for Gordo.
SANDRA
Thank you. And maybe one for Kirini. To put in the Jacks.
NEIL
Sure. Anything else?
SANDRA
Ha. That’s all. Good night.
NEIL
Good night, Sandy.
Neil exits.
The evening carries on.
END.